February and March both flew by with me taking on some temporary work alongside looking for a new role. This has seen me work a full week plus find time to write applications and attend many interviews. While friends say I should be positive about the fact that I am getting lots of interviews and many 2nd interviews, I have to admit to it being rather draining to be switched on so often. The constant selling of my skills and trying to read between the lines and figure out what the recruiter/HR team are really looking for is taking its toll on me. Why do people ask such inane questions and how do these really showcase whether I can do the job or not?
I feel like I could change careers and become a HR professional or recruiter with all the experience I have clocked up over the last couple of months. Maybe my next career. :)
So this brings me to a look back on February and March. I decided to put them together as looking at my photos it seems that my fall back stress release has been baking and cooking. It is the one thing that doesn't care if I had a bad day. Nor does it matter if I am at my scintillating best. If you add butter, and sugar to eggs and flour you always get a tasty result. (I think Julie in Julie and Julia said something similar). If I could just find someone or someway to be paid a good wage for cooking and baking I would be in heaven.
It's funny how inspiration strikes at times. I started this post earlier this week and was thinking about what I wrote about baking and cooking. A chance conversation with a friend and a catch up on TV shows recorded has brought a little bit of excitement to my passion.
Many of us dream about a time when money is no object and I love adding that if failure was not possible, what would you do? I have played this game many times with many different fiends and family. I love brining it up at dinner parties as I think it shows a lot about a person that they may hide. What are their secret hopes and passions. What would they do if they were not so afraid. For me the answer has changed as I have changed, understandably so. But i do keep coming back to the same thing for the last couple of years - food and more importantly cooking and baking.
Now today I have seen a program where a past contestant of Masterchef has set up a food stall at her local market and is selling her creations each week and making a reasonable profit. (granted she also has a TV show and a cookbook to pay the bills but...) I had this sudden urge and thought that I could that. I could make a success of something like that. Why not?
Could I turn out masterpieces like this?
I have spent the last few months trying to find my place in the world of fundraising again. After a rough end to last year, I am more hesitant in picking the 'right' place to work and for the right amount of money too. I feel like I have, in part, understood my value and anything less would be underselling all that I am and that I have to offer. But finding a workplace that wants me is proving harder than I anticipated and rather soul destroying too. Fears of not being good enough crowd my mind and make me second guess myself. What if I am not as good as I think?
Fear holds everyone back. Fear of failure and, to a greater extent, fear of success. Is now the right time to jump? What about paying the bills? What about my other plans for a future - a house in the country, and a family to fill it? How can i do these things without a full time, well paying job? House prices are ridiculous, thats why we are looking to the country. But even that dream is rather unattainable if I don't have constant work to pay back a loan.
Maybe, just maybe I can find a way. I'm passionate enough and scared enough. Now to figure out how to make it happen and where to start.