It's such a great feeling to know that I have a place to to put my thoughts. Whether anyone reads them, or takes them on board, isn't really the point. It's about a safe place to download and share. The good, the bad, the exciting and the ugly.
While those close to me will know that the last 12 months have been tough and the last 6 more so, others will probably not have noticed a change in the business as usual version of me. (aside from a lack of posting anything). Up until recently, I prided myself on that. On projecting that veneer to the world that everything is ok. But honestly inside I am sad. And it made me realise that we put on this veneer, this mask as if being the real version of ourselves would not be liked and accepted. That people would shun us and think less of us for showing our really feelings and our real lives.
In this day of social media and the desire to share the best bits of our lives with everyone (those we know and those we don't), have we really thought about the toll this is taking on ourselves and others around us? I mean really does everyone's house look perfectly neat every day? Do our cakes come out perfect, every time? So we go out somewhere fabulous every week? Do we holiday in luxurious places all the time? Honestly?
As we scroll through our newsfeeds and see these well edited versions of everyones else lives, we feel a little less after every amazing picture. A little less proud, a little less perfect. A little less like we have it all. We can feel left behind and empty. And then when we can, we perpetuate the myth by adding our own well crafted version of our lives. Another picture perfect moment frozen in time that portrays this glittering life that we possibly don't live, but really wish we did.
I have a friend who recently went on a social media detox. No logging into accounts, no posting, nothing. I thought about this for awhile and then realised that this is the life we used to lead. The one I grew up in where our every moment wasn't recorded, just the good ones. Where we actually spent time making friends, going out and connecting with people, in real time and real life. This is really living.
So while I have a few social accounts linked to some passions (and hopefully businesses) that I will still update and check (and yes, get excited when I get another follower or comment on some of my photos), I am vowing to detox my life a little. To really live and experience life rather than just curating the best moments to share. This may not be any different from the outside world, but to me it will be about doing more, experiencing more and not just sitting not he couch crossing through others amazing experiences.
So this applies with this blog as well. No more will I just pop in to share my random positive thoughts and notes, but more of the real me. The real life I live and the real feelings I have. While this blog has always been my real voice, it has also been an edited version of my thoughts. I do look over these before hitting Publish and not just to check my spelling. I edit and curate and decide if these thoughts project the right version of myself.
Every year recently I have picked a word to live by the coming year. Something I want to be able to sum up the year with. This year I have decided it is a thought -
I want to live, not just exist and survive
This year I want to grab life by both hands and really dive into it. No hiding away anymore. Life is too dam short to waste a moment of it. So with that thought first and for most in mind, I vow to not only grab opportunities as they come along but to also know that there will be bad times. I will feel ups and downs and that's ok. I give myself permission to experience the highs and lows and to talk and document along the way.
So what's your truth? Do you hide behind a curated version of our life but ultimately feel like you are missing out? Are you grabbing opportunities to live or letting them pass by due to fear?
Life is messy. Enjoy it.
Because we only have one life.....